Copyright © 2005 by Rick Riordan
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THE LIGHTNING THIEF. Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Book 1. 2 Page 1 I ACCIDENTALLY VAPORIZE. MY PRE-ALGEBRA TEACHER.
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- THE LIGHTNING THIEF Percy Jackson and the Olympians – Book 1 Rick Riordan Scanned by Cluttered Mind 1 I ACCIDENTALLY VAPORIZE MY PRE-ALGEBRA TEACHER Look, I didn't want to be a half-blood. If you're reading this because you think you might be one, my advice is: close this book right now.
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Table of Contents
To Haley,
who heard the story first
I ACCIDENTALLY VAPORIZE MY PRE-ALGEBRA TEACHER
Look, I didn’t want to be a half-blood.
If you’re reading this because you think you might be one, my advice is: close this book right now. Believe whatever lie your mom or dad told you about your birth, and try to lead a normal life.
Being a half-blood is dangerous. It’s scary. Most of the time, it gets you killed in painful, nasty ways.
If you’re a normal kid, reading this because you think it’s fiction, great. Read on. I envy you for being able to believe that none of this ever happened.
But if you recognize yourself in these pages—if you feel something stirring inside—stop reading immediately. You might be one of us. And once you know that, it’s only a matter of time before
they
sense it too, and they’ll come for you.
Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
My name is Percy Jackson.
I’m twelve years old. Until a few months ago, I was a boarding student at Yancy Academy, a private school for troubled kids in upstate New York.
Am I a troubled kid?
Yeah. You could say that.
I could start at any point in my short miserable life to prove it, but things really started going bad last May, when our sixth-grade class took a field trip to Manhattan— twenty-eight mental-case kids and two teachers on a yellow school bus, heading to the Metropolitan Museum of Art to look at ancient Greek and Roman stuff.
I know—it sounds like torture. Most Yancy field trips were.
But Mr. Brunner, our Latin teacher, was leading this trip, so I had hopes.
Mr. Brunner was this middle-aged guy in a motorized wheelchair. He had thinning hair and a scruffy beard and a frayed tweed jacket, which always smelled like coffee. You wouldn’t think he’d be cool, but he told stories and jokes and let us play games in class. He also had this awesome collection of Roman armor and weapons, so he was the only teacher whose class didn’t put me to sleep.
I hoped the trip would be okay. At least, I hoped that for once I wouldn’t get in trouble.
Boy, was I wrong.
See, bad things happen to me on field trips. Like at my fifth-grade school, when we went to the Saratoga battlefield, I had this accident with a Revolutionary War cannon. I wasn’t aiming for the school bus, but of course I got expelled anyway. And before that, at my fourth-grade school, when we took a behind-the-scenes tour of the Marine World shark pool, I sort of hit the wrong lever on the catwalk and our class took an unplanned swim. And the time before that . . . Well, you get the idea.
This trip, I was determined to be good.
All the way into the city, I put up with Nancy Bobofit, the freckly, redheaded kleptomaniac girl, hitting my best friend Grover in the back of the head with chunks of peanut butter-and-ketchup sandwich.
Grover was an easy target. He was scrawny. He cried when he got frustrated. He must’ve been held back several grades, because he was the only sixth grader with acne and the start of a wispy beard on his chin. On top of all that, he was crippled. He had a note excusing him from PE for the rest of his life because he had some kind of muscular disease in his legs. He walked funny, like every step hurt him, but don’t let that fool you. You should’ve seen him run when it was enchilada day in the cafeteria.
Anyway, Nancy Bobofit was throwing wads of sandwich that stuck in his curly brown hair, and she knew I couldn’t do anything back to her because I was already on probation. The headmaster had threatened me with death by in-school suspension if anything bad, embarrassing, or even mildly entertaining happened on this trip.
“I’m going to kill her,” I mumbled.
Grover tried to calm me down. “It’s okay. I like peanut butter.”
He dodged another piece of Nancy’s lunch.
“That’s it.” I started to get up, but Grover pulled me back to my seat.
“You’re already on probation,” he reminded me. “You know who’ll get blamed if anything happens.”
Looking back on it, I wish I’d decked Nancy Bobofit right then and there. In-school suspension would’ve been nothing compared to the mess I was about to get myself into.
Mr. Brunner led the museum tour.
He rode up front in his wheelchair, guiding us through the big echoey galleries, past marble statues and glass cases full of really old black-and-orange pottery.
It blew my mind that this stuff had survived for two thousand, three thousand years.
He gathered us around a thirteen-foot-tall stone column with a big sphinx on the top, and started telling us how it was a grave marker, a
stele
, for a girl about our age. He told us about the carvings on the sides. I was trying to listen to what he had to say, because it was kind of interesting, but everybody around me was talking, and every time I told them to shut up, the other teacher chaperone, Mrs. Dodds, would give me the evil eye.
Mrs. Dodds was this little math teacher from Georgia who always wore a black leather jacket, even though she was fifty years old. She looked mean enough to ride a Harley right into your locker. She had come to Yancy halfway through the year, when our last math teacher had a nervous breakdown.
From her first day, Mrs. Dodds loved Nancy Bobofit and figured I was devil spawn. She would point her crooked finger at me and say, “Now, honey,” real sweet, and I knew I was going to get after-school detention for a month.
One time, after she’d made me erase answers out of old math workbooks until midnight, I told Grover I didn’t think Mrs. Dodds was human. He looked at me, real serious, and said, “You’re absolutely right.”
Mr. Brunner kept talking about Greek funeral art.
Finally, Nancy Bobofit snickered something about the naked guy on the stele, and I turned around and said, “Will you
shut up
?”
It came out louder than I meant it to.
The whole group laughed. Mr. Brunner stopped his story.
“Mr. Jackson,” he said, “did you have a comment?”
My face was totally red. I said, “No, sir.”
Mr. Brunner pointed to one of the pictures on the stele. “Perhaps you’ll tell us what this picture represents?”
I looked at the carving, and felt a flush of relief, because I actually recognized it. “That’s Kronos eating his kids, right?”
“Yes,” Mr. Brunner said, obviously not satisfied. “And he did this because . . .”
“Well . . .” I racked my brain to remember. “Kronos was the king god, and—”
“God?” Mr. Brunner asked.
“Titan,” I corrected myself. “And . . . he didn’t trust his kids, who were the gods. So, um, Kronos ate them, right? But his wife hid baby Zeus, and gave Kronos a rock to eat instead. And later, when Zeus grew up, he tricked his dad, Kronos, into barfing up his brothers and sisters—”
“Eeew!” said one of the girls behind me.
“—and so there was this big fight between the gods and the Titans,” I continued, “and the gods won.”
Some snickers from the group.
Behind me, Nancy Bobofit mumbled to a friend, “Like we’re going to use this in real life. Like it’s going to say on our job applications, ‘Please explain why Kronos ate his kids.’”
“And why, Mr. Jackson,” Brunner said, “to paraphrase Miss Bobofit’s excellent question, does this matter in real life?”
“Busted,” Grover muttered.
“Shut up,” Nancy hissed, her face even brighter red than her hair.
At least Nancy got packed, too. Mr. Brunner was the only one who ever caught her saying anything wrong. He had radar ears.
I thought about his question, and shrugged. “I don’t know, sir.”
“I see.” Mr. Brunner looked disappointed. “Well, half credit, Mr. Jackson. Zeus did indeed feed Kronos a mixture of mustard and wine, which made him disgorge his other five children, who, of course, being immortal gods, had been living and growing up completely undigested in the Titan’s stomach. The gods defeated their father, sliced him to pieces with his own scythe, and scattered his remains in Tartarus, the darkest part of the Underworld. On that happy note, it’s time for lunch. Mrs. Dodds, would you lead us back outside?”
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The class drifted off, the girls holding their stomachs, the guys pushing each other around and acting like doofuses.
Grover and I were about to follow when Mr. Brunner said, “Mr. Jackson.”
I knew that was coming.
I told Grover to keep going. Then I turned toward Mr. Brunner. “Sir?”
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Mr. Brunner had this look that wouldn’t let you go— intense brown eyes that could’ve been a thousand years old and had seen everything.
“You must learn the answer to my question,” Mr. Brunner told me.
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“About the Titans?”
“About real life. And how your studies apply to it.”
The Lightning Thief, p.40
Part #1 of Percy Jackson and the Olympians series by Rick Riordan'Thats impossible,' Annabeth said, 'unless we—'
'Fly,' I agreed.
She stared at me. 'Fly, like, in an airplane, which you were warned never to do lest Zeus strike you out of the sky, and carrying a weapon that has more destructive power than a nuclear bomb?'
'Yeah,' I said. 'Pretty much exactly like that. Come on. '
21. I SETTLE MY TAB
Its funny how humans can wrap their mind around things and fit them into their version of reality. Chiron had told me that long ago. As usual, I didnt appreciate his wisdom until much later.
According to the L. A. news, the explosion at the Santa Monica beach had been caused when a crazy kidnapper fired a shotgun at a police car. He accidentally hit a gas main that had ruptured during the earthquake.
This crazy kidnapper (a. k. a. Ares) was the same man who had abducted me and two other adolescents in New York and brought us across country on a ten-day odyssey of terror.
Poor little Percy Jackson wasnt an international criminal after all. Hed caused a commotion on that Greyhound bus in New Jersey trying to get away from his captor (and afterward, witnesses would even swear they had seen the leather-clad man on the bus—'Why didnt I remember him before?'). The crazy man had caused the explosion in the St. Louis Arch. After all, no kid couldve done that. A concerned waitress in Denver had seen the man threatening his abductees outside her diner, gotten a friend to take a photo, and notified the police. Finally, brave Percy Jackson (I was beginning to like this kid) had stolen a gun from his captor in Los Angeles and battled him shotgun-to-rifle on the beach. Police had arrived just in time. But in the spectacular explosion, five police cars had been destroyed and the captor had fled. No fatalities had occurred. Percy Jackson and his two friends were safely in police custody.
The reporters fed us this whole story. We just nodded and acted tearful and exhausted (which wasnt hard), and played victimized kids for the cameras.
'All I want,' I said, choking back my tears, 'is to see my loving stepfather again. Every time I saw him on TV, calling me a delinquent punk, I knew . . . somehow . . . we would be okay. And I know hell want to reward each and every person in this beautiful city of Los Angeles with a free major appliance from his store. Heres the phone number. ' The police and reporters were so moved that they passed around the hat and raised money for three tickets on the next plane to New York.
I knew there was no choice but to fly. I hoped Zeus would cut me some slack, considering the circumstances. But it was still hard to force myself on board the flight.
Takeoff was a nightmare. Every spot of turbulence was scarier than a Greek monster. I didnt unclench my hands from the armrests until we touched down safely at La Guardia. The local press was waiting for us outside security, but we managed to evade them thanks to Annabeth, who lured them away in her invisible Yankees cap, shouting, 'Theyre over by the frozen yogurt! Come on!' then rejoined us at baggage claim.
We split up at the taxi stand. I told Annabeth and Grover to get back to Half-Blood Hill and let Chiron know what had happened. They protested, and it was hard to let them go after all wed been through, but I knew I had to do this last part of the quest by myself. If things went wrong, if the gods didnt believe me . . . I wanted Annabeth and Grover to survive to tell Chiron the truth.
I hopped in a taxi and headed into Manhattan.
Thirty minutes later, I walked into the lobby of the EmpireStateBuilding.
I must have looked like a homeless kid, with my tattered clothes and my scraped-up face. I hadnt slept in at least twenty-four hours.
I went up to the guard at the front desk and said, 'Six hundredth floor. '
He was reading a huge book with a picture of a wizard on the front. I wasnt much into fantasy, but the book mustve been good, because the guard took a while to look up. 'No such floor, kiddo. '
'I need an audience with Zeus. '
He gave me a vacant smile. 'Sorry?'
'You heard me. '
I was about to decide this guy was just a regular mortal, and Id better run for it before he called the straitjacket patrol, when he said, 'No appointment, no audience, kiddo. Lord Zeus doesnt see anyone unannounced. '
'Oh, I think hell make an exception. ' I slipped off my backpack and unzipped the top.
The guard looked inside at the metal cylinder, not getting what it was for a few seconds. Then his face went pale. 'That isnt. . . '
'Yes, it is,' I promised. 'You want me take it out and—'
'No! No!' He scrambled out of his seat, fumbled around his desk for a key card, then handed it to me. 'Insert this in the security slot. Make sure nobody else is in the elevator with you. '
I did as he told me. As soon as the elevator doors closed, I slipped the key into the slot. The card disappeared and a new button appeared on the console, a red one that said 600.
I pressed it and waited, and waited.
Muzak played. 'Raindrops keep falling on my head. . . . '
Finally, ding. The doors slid open. I stepped out and almost had a heart attack.
I was standing on a narrow stone walkway in the middle of the air. Below me was Manhattan, from the height of an airplane. In front of me, white marble steps wound up the spine of a cloud, into the sky. My eyes followed the stairway to its end, where my brain just could not accept what I saw.
Look again, my brain said.
Were looking, my eyes insisted. Its really there.
From the top of the clouds rose the decapitated peak of a mountain, its summit covered with snow. Clinging to the mountainside were dozens of multileveled palaces—a city of mansions—all with white-columned porticos, gilded terraces, and bronze braziers glowing with a thousand fires. Roads wound crazily up to the peak, where the largest palace gleamed against the snow. Precariously perched gardens bloomed with olive trees and rosebushes. I could make out an open-air market filled with colorful tents, a stone amphitheater built on one side of the mountain, a hippodrome and a coliseum on the other. It was an Ancient Greek city, except it wasnt in ruins. It was new, and clean, and colorful, the way Athens mustve looked twenty-five hundred years ago.
This place cant be here, I told myself. The tip of a mountain hanging over New York City like a billion-ton asteroid? How could something like that be anchored above the EmpireStateBuilding, in plain sight of millions of people, and not get noticed?
But here it was. And here I was.
My trip through Olympus was a daze. I passed some giggling wood nymphs who threw olives at me from their garden. Hawkers in the market offered to sell me ambrosia-on-a-stick, and a new shield, and a genuine glitter-weave replica of the Golden Fleece, as seen on Hephaestus-TV The nine muses were tuning their instruments for a concert in the park while a small crowd gathered—satyrs and naiads and a bunch of good-looking teenagers who mightve been minor gods and goddesses. Nobody seemed worried about an impending civil war. In fact, everybody seemed in a festive mood. Several of them turned to watch me pass, and whispered to themselves.
I climbed the main road, toward the big palace at the peak. It was a reverse copy of the palace in the Underworld.
There, everything had been black and bronze. Here, everything glittered white and silver.
I realized Hades mustve built his palace to resemble this one. He wasnt welcomed in Olympus except on the winter solstice, so hed built his own Olympus underground. Despite my bad experience with him, I felt a little sorry for the guy. To be banished from this place seemed really unfair. It would make anybody bitter.
Steps led up to a central courtyard. Past that, the throne loom.
Room really isnt the right word. The place made Grand Central Station look like a broom closet. Massive columns rose to a domed ceiling, which was gilded with moving constellations.
Twelve thrones, built for beings the size of Hades, were arranged in an inverted U, just like the cabins at CampHalf-Blood. An enormous fire crackled in the central hearth pit. The t
hrones were empty except for two at the end: the head throne on the right, and the one to its immediate left. I didnt have to be told who the two gods were that were sitting there, waiting for me to approach. I came toward them, my legs trembling.
The gods were in giant human form, as Hades had been, but I could barely look at them without feeling a tingle, as if my body were starting to burn. Zeus, the Lord of the Gods, wore a dark blue pinstriped suit. He sat on a simple throne of solid platinum. He had a well-trimmed beard, marbled gray and black like a storm cloud. His face was proud and handsome and grim, his eyes rainy gray.
As I got nearer to him, the air crackled and smelled of ozone.
The god sitting next to him was his brother, without a doubt, but he was dressed very differently. He reminded me of a beachcomber from Key West. He wore leather sandals, khaki Bermuda shorts, and a Tommy Bahama shirt with coconuts and parrots all over it. His skin was deeply tanned, his hands scarred like an old-time fishermans. His hair was black, like mine. His face had that same brooding look that had always gotten me branded a rebel. But his eyes, seagreen like mine, were surrounded by sun-crinkles that told me he smiled a lot, too.
His throne was a deep-sea fishermans chair. It was the simple swiveling kind, with a black leather seat and a built-in holster for a fishing pole. Instead of a pole, the holster held a bronze trident, flickering with green light around the tips.
The gods werent moving or speaking, but there was tension in the air, as if theyd just finished an argument.
I approached the fishermans throne and knelt at his feet. 'Father. ' I dared not look up. My heart was racing. I could feel the energy emanating from the two gods. If I said the wrong thing, I had no doubt they could blast me into dust.
To my left, Zeus spoke. 'Should you not address the master of this house first, boy?'
I kept my head down, and waited.
'Peace, brother,' Poseidon finally said. His voice stirred my oldest memories: that warm glow I remembered as a baby, the sensation of this gods hand on my forehead, 'The boy defers to his father. This is only right. '
'You still claim him then?' Zeus asked, menacingly. 'You claim this child whom you sired against our sacred oath?'
'I have admitted my wrongdoing,' Poseidon said. 'Now I would hear him speak. '
Wrongdoing.
A lump welled up in my throat. Was that all I was? A wrongdoing? The result of a gods mistake?
'I have spared him once already,' Zeus grumbled. 'Daring to fly through my domain . . . pah! I should have blasted him out of the sky for his impudence. '
'And risk destroying your own master bolt?' Poseidon asked calmly. 'Let us hear him out, brother. '
Zeus grumbled some more. 'I shall listen,' he decided. 'Then I shall make up my mind whether or not to cast this boy down from Olympus. '
'Perseus,' Poseidon said. 'Look at me. '
I did, and I wasnt sure what I saw in his face. There was no clear sign of love or approval. Nothing to encourage me. It was like looking at the ocean: some days, you could tell what mood it was in. Most days, though, it was unreadable, mysterious.
I got the feeling Poseidon really didnt know what to think of me. He didnt know whether he was happy to have me as a son or not. In a strange way, I was glad that Poseidon was so distant. If hed tried to apologize, or told me he loved me, or even smiled, it wouldve felt fake. Like a human dad, making some lame excuse for not being around. I could live with that. After all, I wasnt sure about him yet, either.